October 21, 2024
Today is my birthday but I don’t feel much like celebrating, so instead, I’ve been sitting here in quiet contemplation. I’m thinking about my life, thinking about John. Thinking about losing him and thinking about the promises I made as I stood at his casket looking down on him for the last time.
I said, “I love you son. I promise to get justice for you. I promise to watch over and love Kammy with all the love I have to give. I promise to find purpose in this pain. I promise to forever say your name. Your death is not in vain.”
I kept thinking “I promise to find purpose in this pain and your death is not in vain” over and over again.
This pain is deep. What kind of purpose could I possibly get from this?
I grabbed my folder which contains everything in relation to John’s death and pulled out the packet from the Prosecutors office again, which contained support group information. I looked at the name of the first Support group,’ Parents of Murdered Children’, which I attended last month and felt immediate embarrassment. I shot out of that meeting like a ball out of a cannon, running away in tears.
That was my first and last meeting.
I sighed and thought “I wasn’t ready then so what makes me think I’m ready now?”
But the next group under Homicide jumped out at me;
Mothers of Murdered Columbus Children
Hmmmmm, dare I try this again?
There was a website listed so I decided to pay it a visit.
When the site fully loaded, I saw five beautiful women dressed in… fatigues!
I instantly got chills.
John always wore fatigues and that’s what we chose to bury him in.
Chills
I then read the mission for this organization
“Mothers of Murdered Columbus Children is a non-profit organization focused on Light and Love. Our community is made up of mothers who’ve lost a child to violence and our supporters. We use our voice to impact the community to end the violence and reimagine the safety of our city.”
I immediately began to cry. I don’t know why but this statement touched the core of my soul. All I could do was cry.
I was on that website for several hours reading every single word and looking at every single picture.
These women were dressed in bright orange shirts with angel wings on them and fatigue pants, hats, jackets and some had on combat boots.
I came to realize that MOMCC isn’t exactly a support group per se. While it’s definitely a group of mothers who support one another, this group is based on activism. Their mission is built and moved by the power of prayer. Their mission is to end the violence in our city and support the families affected by the violence. Their goal is to come together to support a collaborative action focused on crime prevention.
They are warriors fighting against violence on behalf of children that have died from violence.
If you’re just beginning in your grief journey, they will connect you to support groups that specialize in grief and when you’re ready for battle, come join them!
I’m still in the early stage of my grief but I’m driven to eventually turn my pain into purpose. I made a promise to John, and I will fulfill it.
This could be the organization for me.
So, instead of jumping in feet first and attending their events, I have decided to stick my toes in the water by joining their private Facebook group, take it slow, connect with them and see how it goes.
If it’s right for me, John will let me know.
Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children Public Facebook Page
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