April 23, 2025

Being the mother of a murdered child has changed so many things in my life. In a previous post, Changes, I wrote about what I no longer do since the loss of my son. This time I’m writing about something I now do, which I never used to.

Before John was killed, I never paid much attention to news stories about the murders in my city. Not because I didn’t care, but because I cared too much. News like this always made me cry, so to avoid the tears, I would avoid watching the news. Sometimes, I would change the channel and come back once the sad stories were over.

After John’s death, I not only focus on these stories but pay close attention to them. I document important facts about each murder, including the time it occurred, the location, the name of each victim, and the circumstances surrounding their death. When someone murders your child, it changes you.

So, when I heard the homicide rate in Columbus is at its lowest in over a decade, my heart smiled.

After smiling, both inside and out, I thought, “Operation Under Triple Digits is beginning to pick up steam.

Operation Under Triple Digits is a city-wide initiative in Columbus, Ohio, aimed at reducing homicides and making the city safer. The goal is to keep the number of homicides below 100 annually. This initiative officially launched February 2024. It is led by Mothers of Murdered Columbus Children, which involves community organizations, residents, faith-based groups, elected officials, and law enforcement. 

Everyone has worked hard to lower the deadly violence, and that work has paid off. So far this year, there have been 16 homicides in Columbus. There were 24 at this time last year, and in 2021, there were 65 on this date.

While the year is far from over, local media in Columbus understands the importance of acknowledging this success 10TV.COM NEWS ARTICLE

Columbus Police Assistant Chief Greg Bodkeer believes it’s a combination of factors that have caused the decrease in violence. Community members are getting involved. Residents are reporting incidents. Mothers of Columbus Murdered Children are organizing initiatives such as “Silence the Violence Mall Walks,” and Community Coverings. Bodkeer has also met with domestic violence awareness groups.

The Results

Our community is getting safer, and a safer community means fewer homicides.

Fewer homicides mean fewer mothers are becoming part of the unfortunate sisterhood Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children.

Malissa Thomas-St.Clair, founder of Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children, began working with the Columbus Division of Police four years ago when the city set a homicide record for the second year in a row.

“To see that four years later we have deepened our relationship, it is a true testament to how, when you partner with your local law enforcement with an authentic relationship to bridge the gap to reduce crime, it works,” said Mothers of Murdered Columbus Children founder Malissa Thomas-St. Clair” (10TV interview)

It’s working Columbus! Let’s continue to keep those homicides down!

The Promise

Hearing this news brought what I said to John, as I stood before his casket, to the forefront of my mind. I promised him, his death would not be in vain. When I made that promise, I had no idea how I was going to fulfill it, but God did.

Nine months later, I’m part of the MOMCC movement, which is helping to reduce violence in my city. The same violence that took away my son. Unspeakable violence that has changed my life, and the lives of my fellow Sister Soldiers, forever.

This is a turning point in my city.

I know I’m at the beginning of this journey and there’s still so much work to do. But, it’s my mission to preserve John’s legacy with every ounce of my being and it will be done.

Step by step.

“A promise made is a promise kept”

April 20, 2025

Another holiday without you.

Another day of tears.

So much pain, yet still so grateful,

For Easter memories throughout the years.

I stopped by your grave yesterday to decorate it for Easter.

It was a warm and beautiful day, so I sat with you for a while.

I closed my eyes under the warm sun, thinking of you, and the tears began to flow.

So many beautiful thoughts, so many sad tears.

As I sat there crying, a kind lady approached me carrying a small container of yellow daisies.

She looked down at me and read the information on your grave marker.

Without thinking, I blurted out, “This is my son, John. He was murdered nine months ago.”

She shook her head with sadness, stretched out her hand, and said, “I’m so sorry. These are for you”.

“For me?” I asked.

“Yes, for you.”

“Thank you”, I said as she placed the container in my hands.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Let these flowers be a reminder that John is always with you. They have been sent with love.”

With that, she turned and walked away.

I smiled and watched her climb back into her car.

Tears began to roll down my cheeks.

Joyful tears this time.

Even in distress, I’m still blessed.

This sweet woman delivered John’s message of L.O.V.E.

Thank you, son.

Yellow daisies generally symbolize joy and happiness

 “I will turn their mourning into joy” Jeremiah 31:13 NLT

April 12, 2025

Every survivor of crime has the right to heal. This not only means the victim but also the family of a victim killed by violence.

I previously posted about The Victims Compensation Fund” on October 2, 2024, and explained my confusion about filing a claim. Because of this, I contacted an attorney for assistance and began the process. Several months later, I received a portion of the reimbursement for the funeral expenses incurred due to John’s murder. However, I’m still awaiting a final decision on other items, including his grave marker. It’s been eight months since his murder. I hope I receive a decision with payment soon. My son deserves a marker on his grave.

While I’m grateful for Ohio Victims Compensation, it would have been nice to have had immediate access to the funds to help pay for John’s funeral beforehand instead of requesting reimbursement after the fact. Because he didn’t carry life insurance, I had to set up a GoFundMe campaign, which caused more stress during an already stressful time.

On April 9^th, I was scrolling through my Facebook timeline. I saw a post about a webinar, ‘Right To Heal: Expanding Access to Victims Compensation, taking place on April 10th. I immediately registered to attend because I still have many questions about the victim compensation program. The Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice (CSSJ) hosted the webinar. CSSJ is a national network of crime survivors joining together to create healing communities and shape public safety policy.

April 10, 2025

The ‘Right to Heal” webinar was led by Aswad Thomas, National Director of, Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice (CSSJ).

Thomas began by stating :
“Every survivor regardless of background, where they live, or circumstances of their experience deserves the right to heal. But for too many survivors, that right is often denied due to barriers that exist in our state’s compensation programs.”

Because of this, survivors can feel retraumatized by the entire victim’s compensation process which should never happen.

To bring about change, he explained, CSSJ has created the ‘Right to Heal’ campaign, which will:

1. Raise awareness of the challenges victims face with the Victims Compensation Fund.
2. Advocate for more policy changes.
3. Shift the way we think about healing.
4. Ensure that someone sees, supports, and hears the survivors.

When Survivors Speak: Change Happens

The webinar consisted of a panel of victims who have turned their pain into purpose. and a dedicated faith leader fighting for crime victims. These panelists fueled their actions not only by the loss of their loved ones due to violence but also by the denial of access to the support and services crime victims deserve.

Hearing their stories proves that when survivors speak, change happens.

Right To Heal – Panelists

Jill Henderson – Texas

In 2007, someone killed Jill’s oldest son, Darian, in Dallas, Texas. Ten years later, a group of individuals in Greece beat her youngest son, Bakari, to death.

The murder of Bakari led Jill to create The Bakari Foundation. After struggling to get the Texas Crime Victims Compensation Program to process her claim, Jill was very instrumental in getting Senate Bill 49 to pass in Texas.

Senate Bill 49 in Texas, signed into law by Governor Abbott, expands eligibility for the Crime Victims’ Compensation (CVC) Program and increases support for survivors. Specifically, it covers relocation costs for all survivors, increases the amount of support that a survivor can receive, and extends eligibility to household members of victims. Lawmakers passed the bill with bipartisan support, and it aims to improve support for crime victims and address the cycles of trauma.

Dion Green – Ohio

Dion’s father, Derrick Fudge, died in his arms as a result of the 2019 Oregon District of Dayton, Ohio mass shooting.

As taken from the Dayton Daily News Online Article;

Many of the Oregon District survivors were denied aid by the Victims Compensation Program, including Fudge’s family. The program declined to help Fudge’s family with funeral expenses because of a 2011 felony conviction.

Instead of complaining, Dion took action and played a pivotal role in passing Ohio Senate Bill 36 by speaking to the Senate Judiciary Committee. He told them that he was denied help burying his father because Fudge had a 2011 felony drug conviction. Program rules deny aid to anyone with a felony conviction in the previous 10 years.

Another Oregon District survivor was denied help because she had drugs in her system when she was taken to the hospital to treat a gunshot wound; she says it was prescription Adderall.

Ohio Senate Bill 36 revises the criteria for crime victim reparations. Specifically, it expands eligibility for compensation to more crime victims and their families while also removing certain restrictions.

SB 36 would allow victims with years-old convictions unrelated to the incident they were a victim of to get aid; allow victims to get aid if they had controlled substances in their system; and expand eligibility for assistance to family members and caretakers of victims.

Mia Arrendondo – California

Mia Arrendondo is a Chapter Coordinator of the Crime Victim Advisory Board of the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office in California.

After gang violence took the life of her older brother, she had firsthand experience with the stigmas associated with the way he lost his life. Mia soon found that Latino survivors and victims are having barriers to the Victims Compensation Fund due to stigmas. People assumed that they did not qualify because they were in gangs, on parole, or undocumented. Whether that was true or not, the crime committed against their loved one still makes the family a victim, and they deserve assistance and help. Mothers, fathers, siblings, and other family members still endure the trauma and pain from the loss of their loved ones.

As a result of this unfair treatment, Mia tirelessly advocates for victims and their families to push through significant policy changes for victim compensation. She believes The Victims Compensation Fund should help ALL victims, regardless of the circumstances.

Rafia Muhammad-McCormick – Tennessee

Muhammah-McCormick lost her son Rodney Armstrong when a friend shot him after an argument at a pool party in 2020.

On March 13, 2024, she and a group of mothers from the organization MOM, called a press conference to discuss the frustration of not only losing a child to gun violence but the limited support from the state and authorities afterward.

Because they spoke out, they were able to make it easier for victims of violent crimes and their families to get money from the state with the Criminal Injuries Compensation Act by the passage of HB1021/SB1416.

HB1021/SB1416 does a few things:

• Expands what situations families of victims are in and can qualify to get money
• Gives them 15 days to file a police report after the crime occurs compared to 48 hours
• Allows more family members to receive compensation

Muhammad-McCormick also created the Healed People Heal People Campaign, which educates victims of violence about the new law expanding eligibility to the Tennessee Criminal Injuries Compensation Fund.

Healed People Heal People listens to those most impacted by violence about what they need to heal. 

https://tnhealpeoplecampaign.org

Muaath Al-Khattab – Alabama

Muaath Al-Khattab, a community organizer with the Montgomery chapter for Faith in Action Alabama, is on the front lines fighting for reforms in the Victims Compensation Program in his state.

Among the challenges victims face were:

1. The application was fourteen pages long and must be mailed or dropped off at the Commission.
2. Victims were being denied with no explanation.
3. Applications were in the processing stage for over a year.
4. Applications were approved for a zero-dollar amount.

Frustrated by the lack of cooperation from the Victims Compensation Commission, Al-Khattab decided to act. On February 24, 2023, he led a group of protestors to the Alabama Compensation Commission. The group went to Montgomery to protest delays in processing their claims and complain about the lack of communication between themselves and agency staff.

A list of demands was read to the interim Executive director which included:

1. Transparency
2. Accountability
3. Timely responses
4. Clear explanation of decisions made on claims

The commission gave various reasons for the backlog and delays, including staff shortage and lack of funding. As a result, the commission was given 2.5 million dollars to hire more employees, which reduced the backlog of claims from 2000 to under 500. The application was reduced from fourteen pages to four and is now available online, which is extremely helpful for victims of crime, especially those mourning the loss of a loved one.

Al-Khattab stated, “The powers within the survivors by collectively gathering together and putting a spotlight on their testimonies produced results”

When Survivors speak, change happens.

Inspiration

After hearing the stories of those on the panel and learning more about CSSJ’s mission, I decided to sign up and join the CSSJ movement.

Too many victims are being denied the help they need and deserve. I want to do what I can to change that in Ohio. Maybe helping others and getting involved will help me as I mourn the loss of my son.

That’s to be determined as my journey branches out into the unknown.

What I do know is that this is another step in fulfilling my promise to John.

The National Goal for the CSSJ Right To Heal campaign is to reach 200,000 survivors.

If you are a crime victim or a victim’s survivor, please click the link below and take this short survey.

Crime Survivors for Safety and Justice: Victim Compensation Survey

Third Cohort (Night Series)

Fourth Cohort

Fifth Cohort

Sixth Cohort

A Heartbroken Removal

In March 2024, City crews unexpectedly remove locks honoring murdered children from a Columbus bridge

On March 30, 2024, co-founder Malissa Thomas-St. Clair took to Facebook to express how heartbroken she was over the removal of MOMCC Locks of Love, without notice, from the Rich Street Bridge. Malissa reiterated, “There was a conversation with City Officials before beginning this initiative. We were given the blessing to host our initiative.”

“The city was VERY AWARE OF WHAT THOSE LOCKS WERE AND THEIR MEANING.”

She quickly contacted the City officials after they removed the locks with the hopes of a permanent solution for this incredible initiative.

Malissa’s dedication and determination paid off and one year later, she made an incredible announcement:

MOMCC Legacy Monument

April 4, 2025 – As taken from her Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children Facebook announcement:

Early Stages: Movement Towards an MOMCC Legacy Monument To Showcase Our Locks of Love.

Meeting with City of Columbus Officials:

Together we are brainstorming the opportunity to create a LEGACY MONUMENT that will support Honoring our Lost loved ones to Violence in the city of Columbus, Ohio. The monument will serve as a reminder of what Violence does to generations before and after Violence. It will serve as an opportunity to prevent loved ones from engaging in Violence. It will serve as an opportunity to intervene in acts of violence within our city and beyond.

Mothers of Murdered Columbus Children are absolutely humbled and honored by the collaborative actions between the City of Columbus – City Hall , Columbus Division of Police Greater Columbus Arts Council, and the communities at large to serve as a beacon of hope and light toward safer communities.

I’m so happy that they will restore the ‘Locks of Love’ for every mother who came before me, and I look forward to the next installation. This time, they will include John’s name in the MOMCC Legacy Monument, which will stand forever.

Another step to ensuring that his death will not be in vain.

Please note: All pictures in this post were taken from ‘Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children’ public Facebook page and NBC4 website.

April 3, 2025

In Loving Memory Of My Son

If roses grow in Heaven Lord,

please pick a bunch for me.

Place them in my Son’s arms

and tell him they’re from me.

Tell him that I love and miss him

and when he turns to smile,

Place a kiss upon his cheek

and hold him for a while.

Because remembering him is easy.

I do it everyday.

But there’s an ache within my heart

that will never go away.

March 30, 2025

Eight months ago, John left this world in such a violent and cruel manner. It’s been eight months of tears, heartache, pain, and despair. There have been days where darkness has engulfed my entire being, and I cannot see the light—so many tears. So many guttural cries asking God to turn back the hands of time. The trauma of losing my only son caused me to lose focus on absolutely everything, including God.

I know that should never happen because God is everything to me. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior on August 7, 1988. My spiritual journey has contained many highs and devastating lows, including the murder of my son, but God has always remained consistent. God has been my refuge and my strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

In March of 2015, I graduated from Ohio Christian University with a degree in Christian Ministry. That lets you know just how important God is to me.

But my question has always been, “God, what is your purpose for me? Why am I here?”

Jeremiah 29:11 states, “For I know the plans I have for you,’” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I’ve been searching for God’s plan for my life all my life, but nothing seemed to fit. Among several avenues I chose was volunteer work. Lower Lights Christian Health Center was my first stop as a Patient Advocate. I held that position for several years and loved serving the community. Helping the underprivileged obtain medical care was rewarding, but it just wasn’t it.

My next stop was volunteering with Hospice. Taking care of my mother while she fought colon cancer is my second most traumatic experience. Watching her health slowly decline broke my heart. I was there holding her hand as she drew her last breath. It was an experience I’ll never forget. Because of that, I decided to become a Hospice Vigil Volunteer. Hospice vigil volunteers are a compassionate presence at the bedside of actively dying patients during their final hours or days. No one should ever die alone.

The 2020 Coronavirus pandemic ended my volunteer work with Hospice, and although it was another rewarding experience, that still wasn’t it.

So, this brings me to today. Sometimes, in tragedy, we find our life’s purpose. John lost his life so I could find purpose for mine. I believe without a shadow of a doubt it’s true. I not only said this on January 1st, but God confirmed it today at church.

The Church Service

March is Women’s History Month.

Malissa Thomas-St.Clair, co-founder of Mothers Of Murdered Columbus Children, was honored today by 314 church.

Many Sister Soldiers stood with Malissa as she received her award. Malissa wouldn’t have had it any other way because she believes this is OUR award. She understands that reducing crime in our city is a team effort. Countless mothers who have lost their children to violence walk with her, seeking justice for our children. We do this with the hope that no other mother has to suffer the pain we feel.

Her award reads in part, ” Thank you for being a beacon of hope, your commitment to justice and raising awareness about the impact of violence in our community.”

She’s done that and more.

The Sermon

Pastor Julius Lancaster taught on Lydia. He spoke about appreciating the work of a woman and discussed how Lydia was the blueprint for all to follow.

He shared several characteristics of Lydia that could be the Ancient Annointing each of us carry:

1. Sentness – Being sent by God to serve a mission bigger than ourselves.
2. Resources – The Ability to get things done despite barriers and challenges place before her.
3. Hospitality – The ability to serve with care and attention.
4. Multiplication – The ability to bring multitudes to salvation.

The sermon and service are exactly what I needed to hear and experience today. Tears rolled down my cheeks as the praise and worship reverberated throughout the sanctuary. I won’t lie; praising God through all this pain is challenging. I still have so much anger and sadness right now. But I know praising God isn’t based on how I feel. Praising God is based on who He is.

God’s Message To Me

As soon as Pastor Lancaster made his first point, I knew that was God’s message to me:

Sentness – Being sent by God to serve a mission bigger than ourselves.

This message was loud and clear: John’s murder and death is bigger than me. God has sent me to be part of the movement to make Columbus, Ohio, a safer community for everyone.

I am a modern-day Lydia, along with my MOMCC fellow Sister Soldiers.

That’s His plan for me.

This is it!

March MOMCC Sister Circle

Directly following our beautiful visit at 314Church, I headed over to the monthly MOMCC Learning 2 Live Again Sister Circle Meeting. These meetings are our safe space. They allow us to regain inner healing in pursuit of optimal health after murder.

March theme : BEING ROOTED IN GOD’S WORD ….. planting our SEEDS in RICH SOIL FERTILIZED BY THE NECESSARY ACTIONS TO LEARN 2 LIVE AGAIN …

We fellowshipped with food and fun, laughed, and cried, painted our pots, and planted our seeds. Guest speakers, cofounder Karla Harris, delivered a powerful testimony of resiliency, and Jene Monique Patrick gave an excellent presentation on how to stay planted in God’s Word!

I left the meeting feeling rejuvenized and ready to continue walking in God’s purpose for me. I’m eager to stand with my Sister Soldiers as we seek to stop violence in our community.

#StayAliveIn2025

March 25, 2025

As a mother who has lost her child to murder, I’m extremely sensitive when I hear about other murder cases, and this case has left me speechless.

And heartbroken.

Thirteen-year-old Kei’Mani Latigue was last seen the night of March 16th at her home in Toledo, Ohio. Her grandmother, Dorothy Latigue, returned home from work the morning of March 17 and found the door unlocked. She said the house was in disarray, and Kei’Mani was missing. She continued to search and reported her missing just before noon on March 18, 2024, when she didn’t show up for school.

Throughout the week, family and friends handed out flyers to neighbors and asked the community for help locating Kei’Mani. They even organized a search party for her on March 21st. She still wasn’t located.

Where was Kei’Mani?

The last person to see Kei’Mani alive was her father, Darnell Jones. Information from police indicates Jones gave inconsistent statements about her location and what he did with her. As a result, an arrest warrant was issued for Jones on March 23.

Jones told 13 Action News, “I came over here because she said that it seemed like somebody was trying to break into the house. Me and my cousin sat over here for an hour, and we left around 12:30-ish.”

On March 24th, investigators found Kei’Mani Latigue’s body on the second floor of an abandoned, burned house on Miami Street in Toledo, Ohio. I watched the videos of this happening live on Facebook and cried almost as much as I did when I found out about the murder of my son.

An autopsy on March 25 determined Kei’Mani’ died of multiple “incised wounds of the neck,” according to the Lucas County Coroner’s Office.

Jones escaped to Columbus, Ohio, but on March 25th, the police located him, and he was shot in a confrontation. Jones survived and is in a local hospital in stable condition.

He survived, but his beautiful daughter is dead.

All I can do is shake my head.

Why did this happen?

How could a father kill his child?

Children are a gift and a blessing from God.

We, as parents, are responsible for raising our children with love. We must provide them with a safe environment to grow and flourish to become all that God intended them to be. Above all, children should always feel protected from hurt, harm, and danger when with their parents.

Jones failed Kei’Mani terribly.

Rest in eternal peace, sweet Kei’Mani.

I send love and prayers of comfort to her family.

#JusticeForKei’Mani

March 21, 2025

It’s sad how one piece of mail can ruin your entire day.

I’ve been in a good mood since MOMCC’s ‘Silence The Violence” Mall Walk a few days ago. MOMCC’s Co-Founder Malissa Thomas-St.Clair and her team dedicate so much time and effort to helping mothers of murdered children in Columbus and making our community safe, so it was nice to see so many turn out to support the cause. Coming together on one accord always makes you feel better.

But one piece of mail has taken the air out of my sail.

A few months ago, I wrote about my triggers concerning John’s death. I explained how I’m taken back to the horrible night of July 28, 2024, whenever I receive a hearing notice in the mail.

When I think back on that night, I remember sitting in my home office when the Eleven o’clock news came on TV. The anchor stated it was a violent night with multiple shootings. She went on to say, “Police responded to four separate shooting incidents within one hour, starting around 10 p.m. leaving one victim dead.”

I shook my head as I stood up and left the room thinking, “This world is getting crazier by the day. I hate guns. Gun violence has got to stop.”

At that time, I had no idea the person who died that horrible night was my son. A mother’s worst nightmare had just begun without me even knowing;

I was that mother.

Fast forward to today. I checked my mailbox as I do every day. It’s not a hearing notice this time. But there is one piece of mail addressed to John. John hasn’t lived with us for five years so whenever mail comes for him, it catches me off guard, especially now.

I looked at it and thought, what is this?

I turned it over and saw it was a Driver’s license expiration notice. His driver’s license expired twenty days ago, on his last birthday.

My eyes began to fill up with tears.

Why does a simple piece of mail for John make me cry?

Because it’s a reminder of what we have lost forever.

It’s a reminder that John is no longer here to drive a car, pick up scrap metal to turn in for a quick buck, or take a long drive in the country with nothing but time on his hands, which he so often loved to do.

I remember the last time I saw John drive away with his daughter Kammy in the back seat of his car, looking out her window and grinning from ear to ear as she waved goodbye to us.

That was just three weeks before he was murdered.

It’s a memory I’ll cherish forever.

Tears are now streaming down my face as I walk back to the house. This one piece of mail is another reminder my son is no longer here to do the simple things in life.

One Step forward. Two steps back.

Am I the only one who feels like this when dealing with grief?

March 19, 2025

“No More Talking! Let’s Start Walking!”

Today was the first MOMCC “Silence The Violence Mall Walk” at the Polaris Fashion Mall in Columbus Ohio.

‘Silence the Violence’ is one of Mothers of Murdered Columbus Children’s new initiatives for 2025; a silent demonstration throughout local malls in Columbus Ohio.

It’s a branded walking billboard for MOMCC’s twofold mission:

1. To bring awareness to areas less affected by gun violence.
2. Crime prevention, and crime intervention to lower the number of Columbus homicides under triple digits in 2025.

Participants include mothers, fathers, children, grandparents, friends, and a coalition of other crime prevention organizations.

Today’s turnout was phenomenal. Everyone was dressed in orange MOMCC shirts and camouflage pants to show solidarity. I’m wearing John’s hat and will wear it at every MOMCC event so I’ll always have a piece of him with me.

I’m fulfilling my promise to him; Turning pain into purpose.

Watch my blog for information about future ‘Silence the Violence’ Mall Walks if you live in or near Columbus Ohio.

All are welcome to join us.

Next up is Easton Town Center…

March 11, 2025

This is one of my favorite pictures of me and John.

The pure love and joy you see all over his face is priceless.

God, I miss my son.