February 13, 2025
Grief2Hope Tribute Night
Tonight was tribute night for the sixth session of Grief2Hope. Tribute night is where we pay tribute to our loved ones by sharing pictures, memories and stories with the group so everyone can get to know them.
As always, it was very emotional for me.
I debated with myself ever since Hope made the announcement last week because losing John still hurts so much. It doesn’t help that I hate speaking in front of people. While this is an online group session, the camera is still on, and people are still looking at me.
I hate public speaking, but as soon as she made the announcement last week, I knew the exact picture of John I wanted to share and a perfect little project he did in the first grade which not only allows people to get to know him but also ties into Valentines Day because it’s heart shaped.
It’s also my favorite childhood keepsakes of his.
But, as usual, my mind went back and forth.
Not only was I very nervous, but also very emotional.
I didn’t want to break down while talking about my son who was murdered only six months ago.
It hurts so deep.
As Hope was speaking about honoring our loved ones who’ve passed away, I was still debating; should I do it or not.
She made it very clear it wasn’t mandatory. You only had to share if you felt comfortable doing so.
Well, I was very uncomfortable but there’s now something inside of me that feels I have to do things for John I would have never done before.
I promised him his death would not be in vain.
I promised him I would forever speak his name.
Forever speaking his name is a way of keeping his legacy alive and “speak” is the key word. Not speak in my mind but speak from my mouth for others to hear.
So, as I sat and watched and listened to a few others in the group share pictures and stories of their loved ones, I too raised my hand to speak John’s name.
I got through it with tears, but I did it. I shared my son with the group so they could know the wonderful man that he was.
When I finished, Hope thanked me for allowing them to get to know my son and said she actually got chills when I was speaking.
She also said she knows John is proud of me.
I hope he is, because this is another step I’ve taken to turn my pain into purpose, and I will forever speak his name.
John Leon Wilks
Grief2Hope Quote for the week – “The Love of a memory shared provides others with Hope.”
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