Final Arrangements

August 2, 2024

Last night was horrible. I couldn’t stop crying and thinking about John, so needless to say I got little to no sleep.

Ronnie did the best he could to comfort me, but I still couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

I had to get it together. We were meeting with the Funeral Director to finalize John’s funeral arrangements in just a few hours.

I went downstairs to grab something to eat but I still didn’t have an appetite.

We arrived at the funeral home a few minutes late, but Mr. Caliman greeted us with a smile and was very understanding.

Ronnie came with us this time. He’s having as difficult of a time handling John’s death as I am, but I felt his presence was needed for the final decisions.

Mr. Caliman offered his condolences as we sat down and then began the meeting. He pulled out the funeral package pricing sheet and began going over the costs of each individual package and what they included. I’m so glad my sister-mom was with us because I couldn’t follow a word he was saying. It was much too complicated for me to comprehend at a time of such sorrow. Cindy had pen and notepad in hand and handled everything like a boss. She clarified and confirmed the massive amount of information being given to us and posed thoughtful questions. She then translated the information to us so we could make the decisions.

Mr. Caliman then asked if we had a date and time for the funeral to which I replied,

“Yes, August 8th, at First Church of God. The viewing is at 10 am followed by the funeral at eleven.”

He made a note of it on his laptop. Then he asked where we wanted John’s burial and explained there were two specific cemetery locations that were included in the packages at a discounted price.

My immediate response was Glen Rest Memorial Estates where my mother and maternal side of the family are buried but sadly, it wasn’t one of the choices. I have always wanted to be buried near my mother at Glen Rest, but this situation definitely changes things. He then informed us it would be more expensive to bury John at Glen Rest but if that’s where we wanted him to be, it wouldn’t be a problem.

Actually, there was a problem. When John became an adult, he didn’t continue the life insurance policy we set up for him, so it lapsed. We didn’t have the money to pay his funeral expenses. I didn’t know what to tell Mr. Caliman. I had no idea what we should do about the burial location.

I wrestled with this decision because I know we have to watch the budget, but I want John buried at the same cemetery where I will be. Once the good Lord calls me home, I want John next to me.

Cindy broke the conundrum by suggesting we take a visit to see the two cemeteries included in the package and then make the decision.

Thank God for my Sister-Mom. Her presence was invaluable.

The only decision I made on my own was I wanted John to have a black coffin with a spray of flowers that contained red carnations and white carnations with tips dipped in black, placed on top of the casket.

John’s favorite colors were black, red, and white.

I smiled just a little and said, “I think he would like that” and Ronnie agreed.

Cindy figured out the remaining details and presented them to us for agreement so Mr. Caliman could draw up the contract.

The service will be held at my home church, First Church of God, but we still need the funeral home to get John’s body from the coroner, prepare him for the funeral, guide us through the process and provide critical services needed to lay John to rest. First Church of God would work in conjunction with the funeral home to make sure John’s service will include everything I want and all he deserves.

Mr. Caliman then turned to Ronnie and asked how he wanted John’s hair cut and if he had a beard, how should it be trimmed. Ronnie described what he wanted. Mr. Caliman nodded his head and said he understood but to be on the safe side he requested that I email a picture of John for the barber to look at.

I broke down yet again and leaned on Ronnie for comfort. This is so damn hard.

Mr. Caliman then handed the meeting over to his sweet assistant, Ms. Davis, who went over a few more details with us.

She asked if I had an idea of what I wanted to include in the obituary.

“No, I haven‘t figured that out yet,” I responded.

She asked if I wanted a video tribute playing on the screen during John’s viewing.

I didn’t even think of that but said “yes, of course”

She asked if I had burial clothes for John.

“Ummm, no but I’ll get them” I replied.

She then handed me a form which would assist me with composing the obituary, provided the website address to upload my pictures and music for the video tribute and said she needed this information completed and returned to her by the morning of August 5th.

We could bring John’s clothes when we come in to sign the contract on August 5th, she instructed.

“This is all so overwhelming” I thought.

She not only read my face but also my body language and quickly gave me a hug.

“Call me if you have any questions or need assistance and I’ll be happy to help” she said when the embrace ended, “Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

My spirit was crushed.

I have so much to do in so little time.

This funeral is going to be expensive, and we don’t have the money to pay for it. I didn’t really look at the total amount quoted at the bottom of the paper I held in my hand, but I knew it wouldn’t be cheap.

What a mess.

God, please help us.