January 31, 2025
Looking back on January, I have to say, I’m proud of myself. I joined the online grief group Grief2Hope, teamed up with an ally in ‘What Would Marcus Do’ and have formed bonds with other mothers in MOMCC.
Of course, there were days when the tears just didn’t stop as well. I was sad, mad and still frustrated that this blog even had to be created. I’ll continue to cry. I’ll continue to feel despair but I’m trying my best not to stay there. When I get too down and too hard on myself, I hear my sister-mom saying, “Give yourself grace”.
“Give yourself Grace.”
What I’ve experienced is life altering. I know it will take time to get my life back on track. But I will do it. I’ll fall down and I’ll get back up. I’ll cry and I’ll wipe my eyes. I have to. I’m no longer living just for myself but also in memory of my son.
When I’m in the depths of despair, I’ve always turned to the one person who’s able to lift me out. The one who has always been a light in my darkness; Michael Jackson. Michael’s music soothes my soul and provides healing. It always has and it always will.
So many of Michael’s songs touch my soul in ways I cannot explain; it’s a sacred connection. He’s most famously known for the powerful song “Man In the Mirror.” This song tells the listener; in order to make a change in the world, you must first take an honest look at yourself. Change begins with you.
I also love another song by Michael called “Cry” which speaks about change from a different perspective. In “Cry”, the lyrics urge people to unite to make the world a better place:
People laugh when they’re feeling sad
Someone is takin’ a life, hold on
Respect to believe in your dreams
Tell me, where were you
When your children cried last night?
You can change the world (I can’t do it by myself)
You can touch the sky (Gonna take somebody’s help)
You’re the chosen one (I’m gonna need some kind of sign)
If we all cry at the same time tonight
Change the world
This is what I want to do. Change the world. Change the world by teaming up with MOMCC and other organizations to stop the violence in my city. I don’t want another mother to ever suffer the pain from losing their child to violence. Change not only takes place individually but collectively and I want to be part of it.
John’s death will not be in vain.
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