September 25, 2024
The support I’m getting from my online Facebook group, “Grieving Parents Leaning On Each Other,” has been wonderful. However, I think it might be time to seek some additional in-person support as well. I pulled out the booklet I received from the prosecutor’s office and noticed it lists several grief support groups. One group that caught my eye is “Parents of Murdered Children,” so I decided to give them a try.
I sent an email to the coordinator for more information and received a quick reply which stated, the group meets on the last Wednesday of each month, and I am more than welcome to attend tonight. Today just happens to be the “National Day of Remembrance for Murdered Victims,” so I could bring a picture of John with me if I wanted. I grabbed my favorite picture and headed out the door.
Upon my arrival, I was warmly welcomed, and everyone was incredibly kind. However, I felt very emotional and uncomfortable—not because of those around me, but due to my own feelings. The pain is still very deep. Since today is the ‘National Day of Remembrance for Murdered Victims,’ we were invited to place pictures of our loved ones on the table. When it was time, we were to approach the picture, say their name, and light a candle in their memory.
When it was my turn, I went to the table, lit John’s candle, whispered his name and quickly sat down.
I cried so hard; I couldn’t speak for the rest of the night.
When it was over, I grabbed John’s picture from the table and practically ran out the door. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.
On the way home I had to pull over a few times because I couldn’t stop crying.
When I walked in the door, Ronnie asked “So, how did it go.”
“Overwhelming and way too much” I said.
He hugged me and said he was sorry.
After the embrace, I went upstairs, washed my face, got in bed and cried myself to sleep.
It was definitely too much too soon.