August 24, 2024
Today was our candlelight vigil for John.
For the first time in weeks, I had a good night’s sleep. I went to bed early, woke up at 10 am, and felt well-rested. It was beautiful outside. The sun was shining brightly, and the birds were singing. I rolled over and said, “Thank you, Lord.”
I decided to hop in the shower. The warm water felt good as I stood under it with my eyes closed. My thoughts always return to one thing…John. What would he have eaten for breakfast today? What would he be doing this afternoon? Would he be playing video games? Would he drive around like Sanford and Son, collecting items on the side of the road to pawn and then grab a pizza on his way home?
Tears started flowing with the water hitting my face. I miss my son.
Getting out of the shower, I turned my thoughts back to me. Maybe I’ll eat some breakfast today. I went downstairs to the kitchen where Cindy was making herself a cup of coffee and I tried to eat a bagel with cream cheese.
Nope.
My stomach was in knots. I kept thinking about the news being at the vigil tonight. There will be cameras recording every move. Highlights will be shown on the eleven o’clock news. Everyone in the community will see it and everyone will see me.
“I don’t want to be in the spotlight, Cindy”
“You’ll be fine. Remember this is for John. He’ll help you.”
I leaned back in my chair and thought about it, “You’re right. It’s not about me. It’s all about John. He’ll give me the strength I need.”
I redirected my attention to what needed to be done for the vigil and pulled out a piece of paper to make my list. Getting flowers for John’s grave was at the top. I want it to look as nice as possible. Tiffany’s mother was kind enough to offer to bring balloons to release for the family. I’m glad that’s one less thing I have to worry about.
Next on the list are the candles. They arrived yesterday and I realized I ordered way too many. I’m sure I’ll put them to use in the future for community events that I plan on attending. Each candle has to be placed in the holder and the wick needs to be trimmed which shouldn’t take long to do.
You can’t hold a vigil without pictures. Pictures of the victim serve as a visual reminder of the person’s life and why we gather to remember them. The world needs to see who we lost and love; the man who means the world to us.
John didn’t like taking pictures, so when choosing them, I tried to pick a few I think he would have liked. I selected a couple of pictures of him alone and a couple of pictures of John with me and his dad. Justice is making a collage containing pictures of her and John together, so I didn’t include any pictures of John with her. The last picture is the one that holds the most memorable image of all; the one of John cradling Kammy as a baby in his arms. I know he would like this one so this is the picture Kammy will be holding at the candlelight vigil tonight.
I placed everything on the table, paused, and stood there for a few minutes looking at the display. Tears welled up in my eyes and I began to cry.
Cindy hugged me and said, “Don’t worry, it’s going to be beautiful.”
We had a few hours before it was time to leave, so I took that time to try and relax by reading my daily devotion. It was going to be an emotional day. “Lord, please give me the strength to get through this vigil”, I prayed.
Heading To the Vigil
I’m an early bird and live by the motto my father preached growing up: Early is on time and on time is late! (RIP Daddy) I yelled upstairs to let Ronnie know I was ready. I said, “I refuse to be late to my son’s candlelight vigil”
A few minutes later Ronnie appeared downstairs and we headed out the door.
After picking up the flowers, we decided to go to a local restaurant and grab a bite to eat before the vigil. My brother, Greg, joined us which is always a treat in and of itself. Greg is extremely witty and looks so serious when he makes his outlandish statements. He talks about everything under the sun and more. I’m happy he tagged along because he always makes me laugh. Laughter is good for the soul.
The dinner conversation made me forget about being nervous.
We arrived at Glen Rest at 6:30, to lay a few flowers on John’s grave. As I was placing the flowers on his grave, Justice pulled up with her cousin. She was carrying a cardboard picture collage she had completed yesterday. The board contained many pictures that captured beautiful memories of her and John through the years. She placed it on the grave beside the flowers. It was perfect.
Soon, others started arriving with balloons, including my granddaughter, who jumped out of the car as soon as she saw me.
“MiMi!” she yelled and hugged me, looking just like her father. She truly is my heartbeat.
“Hey Buttercup” I said quietly as I hugged her back and kissed her forehead. I quickly wiped my eyes so she wouldn’t see me cry.
I began passing out candles when Channel 4 reporter, Brett Mills, arrived around 6:45 with his camera operator in tow. He greeted us with a handshake and a warm smile. Brett explained they would be off to the side filming the vigil and told us to act naturally like they weren’t there.
“Yeah right!” is what I thought, but instead, I said “Okay”
They stood off to the side for a few minutes surveying the action around them. After a few moments of observation, Brett walked over to us
“Can we interview you and your husband now, before the vigil begins?”
I took a deep breath and said “Yes.”
Here we go.
The interview wasn’t very long. I can’t remember everything I said but I do remember saying, “Put the guns down and walk away. Walk away. Don’t Kill. Don’t kill.” Part of that quote was used as the headline of our story.
After our interview, I forgot the camera was there. The emotions and love took over.
The Speech
Ronnie has always had a way with children. He gathered the children present, in a circle around him and asked what their plans were for the future.
They eagerly waved their hands and replied:
“I wanna be a lawyer”
” I’m going to be a doctor”
“An Astronaut”, my granddaughter said proudly.
” A Model”, her cousin Kay replied as she rearranged her stylish sunglasses to sit perfectly on her face.
“I love animals so I’m gonna be a Veterinarian” another cousin yelled.
Ronnie smiled and said, “Great answers! You can do anything you want in life when you believe in yourself. The key is to stay focused and stick to it. Don’t let anything or anyone distract you and make you do things against the law. Distractions like this can change the trajectory of your life, just like it did for the young man who took John away from us.”
The Balloon Release
Some guests then began to share memories of John and how he touched their lives. Thoughtful John. Funny John. Solemn John and all around good guy, John. There wasn’t a dry eye there.
This was followed by a moment of silence and the candles were lit. We recited the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 23. The tears would not stop flowing as I looked down at his grave and told him “I love you.”
I still can’t believe he’s gone.
After the moment of silence, we released the balloons and filled the air with a million “I LOVE YOU JOHNS” which was followed by a tear-filled thank you to everyone who came.
It’s something I’ll never forget.
The News Story
We returned home from the vigil around 10pm and watched a little TV to help unwind from the emotional day. We then heard, “coming up, friends and family gathered together tonight to mourn the loss of a man who was killed in a shooting last month…” I immediately got a lump in my throat.
“Hear we go” I thought. “I hope I can handle this.”
The story aired and I watched with tears in my eyes. After it was over, I smiled as I said to my sister-mom,
“That wasn’t too bad. I’m glad they were there to capture everything we did in memory of John.”
She smiled back and said, “It was great!” I’m so proud of you.”
I will continue to be John’s voice.
His death will not be in vain.
Click the link below to watch our interview and read the news story:
‘Walk away, don’t kill:’ Family speaks out against gun violence at son’s vigil”
https://www.nbc4i.com/video/vigil-held-for-john-wilks/9983352