August 9, 2024
The day after the funeral is usually the time to exhale. You’re still grieving but now you can catch your breath because all the arduous work of planning and attending the funeral has come to an end.
Out of town guests prepare to go back home and after all the hugs goodbye, you can sit down and decompress from the emotional war that’s been going on inside your heart and mind.
But, for me, there is no rest for the weary.
I have to attend ‘Miller the Killers’ bond hearing at 9am. Today, I’ll have to look him in the face for the first time. I have so many emotions running through me I can’t even begin to explain how I feel inside.
When my sister, Cindy, found out the hearing was going to be held the day after John’s funeral, she and her family decided to stay an extra day so she could go with us to court. Of course I was very happy she decided to stay. I need all the support I can get today.
We left at 7:30am so we could meet Caroline, our Victims Advocate, at eight. I don’t know if Ronnie was driving like a snail or me being overstressed, but it seemed to be taking forever to get downtown to the courthouse.
I kept thinking “We’re going to be late! We still have to find somewhere to park when we get there, please drive faster Ronnie!”
But I kept those thoughts to myself. We were all nervous enough as it was.
We finally arrived downtown but were cutting it close, so I asked Ronnie to drop us off at the front while he parked the car and told him I’ll send a text letting him know where we are once we’re inside.
Cindy and I exited the elevator and didn’t see anyone, so we sat down outside of the courtroom, hoping Caroline would soon appear. I had no idea what she looked like as we’ve only spoken on the phone.
After a few moments, Caroline came around the corner, called my name, and I responded. She greeted me and then led us to a small conference room attached to the courtroom, opened the door and sat down at the small table. I told her my husband was parking the car so I would like to wait until he’s here before we begin. Around five minutes later, Ronnie let me know he was in the building, and I gave him directions to the conference room.
Ronnie entered the room and after exchanging pleasantries, she began to explain what would happen in court today.
“What are your thoughts about bail?” She asked.
Ronnie immediately said, “No bail.”
She nodded and said, “I understand that’s what you would like but the Judge most likely won’t grant that for this case, so I suggest we word it differently.
We can say “No bail or very high bail.”
To which he replied, “Okay, I guess that’s what we’ll have to agree to. You know what’s best. But just know I don’t want him to ever get out of jail for what he did to our son.”
She then began to discuss the victim statement. “You can give your victim statement today” she explained, “but this hearing doesn’t determine guilt or innocence so the statement to the judge can’t address any of your feelings concerning that. You can only address what you’d like him to consider when making his decision on setting bond.”
Caroline let us know she’s our advocate, which means she has the right to speak on our behalf. She, and the Judge, both understand this is a very emotional time for victims so she would be willing to speak for us if needed.
Everyone who knows me knows I hate public speaking. I’m a shy, quiet, and reserved person who prefers to work in the background. Normally, I would’ve been okay with Caroline speaking on my behalf but today was different. Very different.
“Caroline it’s nice of you to offer,” I said, “and I’m not going to lie, I’m very nervous but I want to address the judge and make our statement. I have to do it. I am John’s voice now.”
She nodded her head, smiled, and said, “It takes courage to do what you’re doing. Judges want to hear from the victim. As a matter of fact, they prefer it. It’s much more powerful when the victim speaks.” She then gave me a few ideas of what to say.
It was approaching 9am so she said we’ll come back to this conference room afterwards to discuss what happened and she will answer any questions we have at that time.
We followed her into the courtroom, and I sat down in the first row in between Ronnie and Cindy. Caroline sat in the row directly behind us.
I’ve never seen Miller the Killer before, so I had no clue if he was present in the courtroom when we entered. The Clerk of Courts began calling the cases and we waited our turn. I was so nervous! I had cotton mouth, and my heart was racing. There may have been around five or six cases before I heard John’s case come up and they were all robbery and burglary cases. All felony cases but no murder cases.
The clerk then called our case and stated the defendant wouldn’t be attending court in person but via video. The video then popped on screen and there he was. I only glanced at him because I couldn’t bear to look at his face. I saw an orange jumpsuit and the face of a barely legal kid trying to be cool. He still had acne on his face, and I quickly looked away.
The clerk continued and read a brief statement about the case and the charges. Then I heard her say, “the defendant Miller shot John Wilks in the chest two times, in the back two times and in the head, thus resulting in his death.”
My heart dropped. Did she said he shot my son in the head?!?
John was also shot in the head?!?
The detective didn’t mention anything about John being shot in the head! Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I began twisting my fingers together and looked down at the floor. This is horrible! You have to have a lot of hate in your heart to shoot someone in the head!
My son did NOT deserve that.
I didn’t hear what else she said after that but felt Caroline tap me on the shoulder letting me know it was time for us to approach the podium to speak to the judge. I wiped my eyes with my fingers and walked to the podium with Ronnie by my side and Caroline behind me.
The Judge said a few words and then asked who we were.
Ronnie cleared his throat and said, “Hello your honor, my name is Ronald Wilks and I’m John Wilks father.”
I then said with a trembling voice, “Your honor, my name is Shari Wilks. I’m the mother of John Wilks.”
The judge then said a few more words and asked if we wanted to give a victim’s statement about bond.
I took a deep breath, cleared my throat, and said as firm as I could, “Yes sir,” My husband and I are asking you to set no bail or very high bail, please. The killer is very violent and a threat to society. We are fearful for our lives and believe he is a flight risk.”
I got it out without totally breaking down.
In the corner of my eye, I could see movement of the orange jumpsuit and when I looked over at Miller the Killer on the screen, he put his hand up to his mouth in a yawning motion and then he laughed at me. He actually laughed at me.
The tears started flowing again and the Judge thanked me for my statement.
I turned to walk to my seat and all eyes in that courtroom were on me. I could feel compassion coming from every face in that room. We sat back down for a second and Caroline instructed us to meet her back in the conference room.
I stood up and started walking, Ronnie and Cindy followed behind me. As I approached the door, a kind man in the courtroom got up from his seat, opened the door for me and said, “I’m so sorry”.
I mouthed the words “thank you” and made it back to the small conference room.
Once the door was closed I let it all out.
Ronnie hugged me.
Cindy cried too.
Caroline smiled and said I did a great job.
When I composed myself, I looked at Ronnie and said, “Now I know why John’s temple looked like that. He was shot in the head.”
And cried some more.
Farewell Sister-Mom
August 9, 2024
My sister-mom and family boarded their flight shortly after the hearing and it was hard to say good-bye. Cindy had been such a Godsend for me these past two weeks. I wouldn’t have made it without her but of course I understood she has a life of her own and it was time for her to go home.
So with a lot of hugs and yes, more tears, we said our farewell.
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